When Something Shifted
Nothing Big Or Strange
I don’t really know how to describe what happened. It wasn’t dramatic, nothing big or strange — just something quiet that’s still sitting with me.
I went in nervous. The idea of being naked around another man felt confronting. I almost cancelled. But I didn’t. And I’m glad, because it wasn’t what I feared.
There was no judgement, no pressure, no expectation to do anything. Just space to be.
At first, I couldn’t stop thinking — about how I looked, what he might think, whether I was doing it “right.” But after a while, that noise started to fade.
There was this moment — I don’t even know when — when I realised I wasn’t trying anymore. I was just there. Breathing, quiet, not pretending.
It wasn’t sexual, though it was close in another way — human, real, gentle. I felt seen, but not watched. It’s strange how rare that is.
Afterwards I felt calm, lighter, like something inside me had unclenched. I can’t really explain it, and maybe I don’t need to.
All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I felt safe enough to just be.
