Hard To Explain
Why I’ve Been Calmer Lately
A mate asked me the other day why I’ve been calmer lately. Said I don’t bite like I used to. I laughed it off — told him I’ve just been getting more sleep. Easier than trying to explain the truth.
How do you tell another bloke you spent a few hours naked with a man and it wasn’t about sex, it was about peace?
He’d either laugh or look away. That’s the problem. We’ve got no words for that kind of thing.
The truth is, something shifted in me. Not in a big dramatic way — more like an engine running smoother after years of grinding.
I don’t wake up angry. I don’t carry as much static around. The noise in my head’s turned down.
If I could tell him honestly, I’d say this: it’s not weird, it’s not sexual, and it’s not therapy. It’s just two people dropping all the usual crap for a while.
No pretending, no proving, no fighting. You’d be surprised what happens when you stop defending yourself.
But I won’t tell him. Not yet. Some things are better left private until you know they’ll be understood.
So I just nodded and said, Yeah, maybe I finally grew up a bit.
He laughed.
And maybe that’s close enough to the truth.
